I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
