Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
