is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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