im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
