So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
