Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
