I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
