i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
