I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
