You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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