chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
