Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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