I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
