he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
