that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
