dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
