Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize