i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
