i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
