That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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