You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
