I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
