I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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