He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Randomize
