it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
