WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
