found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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