yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
