okay pat passed out under dana's car
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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