I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
