There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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