I'm so fucking centered right now
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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