He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
