Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
