I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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