Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
