We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
