all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
