Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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