I'm lost and stupid without you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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