You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
