I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize