too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
