well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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