which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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