so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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