I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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