Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
