can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
vagina is talking i cant
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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