I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
there is puke in my bra ... again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
