This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
