i already hear my dad disowning me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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