So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
