Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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