you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
