i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize