some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
