Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
