we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
