sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
