we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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