my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Everything about him screamed your future.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
