i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
