tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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