Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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