Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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