you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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