Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
