I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
