my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
