If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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